Throughout their childhood, children are exposed to many different role models, all of whom leave an impact as they grow. Fathers, specifically, have an undeniable influence on their children, helping them to manage their emotions, as well as encouraging independence, and helping them to create and sustain a healthy, intimate relationship with a partner later on in life. In fact, it’s been proven that babies develop an attachment to their fathers as young as seven months old!
Fathers play an irreplaceable role in a child’s life and development—and the same can be said for those who decide to become foster parents. Like biological parents, foster parents have a unique opportunity to positively influence their foster child. Foster dads, specifically, can help children work through past trauma by providing a stable and safe environment while teaching them how to find self-worth and practice responsibility and respect.
If you’re interested in becoming a foster father, keep reading. This blog will explore the positive difference foster dads can make in their foster children’s lives and the outcome of this influence.
The Influence of Foster Fathers on Children
It’s easy to make a blanket statement that fathers make a positive difference in the lives of their children, but in the case of those who end up in foster care, that may not always be the case.
Though not accounting for every case, many foster children have experienced significant neglect, physical and/or mental abuse, sexual assault, and substance abuse. In fact, an overseas study published in the National Library of Medicine (NIH) found that “Heavy episodic drinking was associated with reduced positive fathering involvement.”
Their findings also highlighted a correlation between a father’s age and education level, as well as their viewpoints on gender equality. While findings like this don’t account for all, it highlights a reality for some, in which a father’s attitudes, upbringing, and environment can not only be a factor of alcoholism but inattentive parenting as a whole. Simply put, some children in the foster care system may have never had a positive male role model to look up to, further demonstrating the extreme importance of having strong, healthy foster dads in their lives now.
As briefly mentioned above, fathers play an integral role in their children’s development, which can impact them both now and in the future. These positive outcomes include but aren’t limited to:
- Higher levels of self-worth and self-confidence
- Better grades in school
- Lower rates of depression
- Less behavioral problems
Another long-term study about men and their fathers published in the NIH confirms this statement about fewer behavioral problems, finding that “greater father involvement (i.e. closeness and warmth, and supportive behaviors) and less authoritarian fathers’ parenting style predicted a reduced risk for the onset of delinquent behaviors and substance use in adolescents.”
This is not the only study conducted on the matter. In Foster Fathers: Their Experiences and Contributions to Fostering, Kate Wilson et al., not only did the study find that men are often the ones who decide to foster, but they feel as if they can teach specific lessons better.
For example, one foster father interviewed in the study reflected on his experience teaching his foster child to respect and not hit women. He’s quoted, “I’m trying to teach him that you can’t do that, ever, at all. But he hasn’t grasped it yet! And I think that’s a positive thing because it’s all right for a woman to say, “you mustn’t hit women,” or “you mustn’t hit anybody, but you especially don’t hit women”, but they would say that, wouldn’t they? In his eyes, he’d think, “well, you’re just saying that because you’re a woman.” It needs a man to say that.”
Of course, this is just one foster dad’s perspective, but it highlights a potential reality. If some lessons could be disregarded by a foster mother but respected and understood by a foster father, it at least creates a baseline for boundaries and understanding their importance moving forward. The research paper also highlighted that the activities foster dads and their children indulged in – such as fishing – were for fun, which is ultimately what helped build a foundation for the more profound relationship to develop.
Ways Foster Fathers Make an Impact
As noted above, foster dads who take an active role in their foster children’s lives help their children to thrive later on in life. This is done in several ways, including the following:
Developing Self-Esteem and Confidence in Their Foster Kids
Foster dads help their foster kids develop confidence and higher levels of self-esteem by introducing them to new hobbies and encouraging their participation, as well as helping to set manageable goals and offer praise at every milestone. An example could be introducing a child to a game of chess, in which they develop an interest and praising them for winning their first game, unaided.
Simple acts that encourage children to realize their strengths and interests can result in higher levels of confidence.
Promoting Open Communication and Connection
Open communication is the cornerstone of building a connection in a foster parent-child relationship. By offering a safe space for foster children to tell their stories, foster parents can help establish trust, which in turn helps establish a strong connection between them both.
At the end of the day, a foster dad who acknowledges their child’s reasonable feelings and offers creative solutions makes him or her feel heard and that their feelings matter. Children who feel heard are more likely to talk to their foster parents about other problems moving forward. Addressing feelings now can empower them to make changes that benefit their life in the future.
Modeling Healthy Relationships and Interactions With Their Spouse and Other People
For some foster children, entering your home and family may be the first time they’ve witnessed a healthy relationship. Remember, children are impressionable and model behaviors they see, so fostering open communication, talking respectfully with other family members, and helping around the house can set an example for foster kids to follow with their future spouse and extended family.
This sets them up for healthy, loving, and mutually beneficial relationships as adults.
Getting Involved in Different Household Chores
And speaking of taking care of the house, you set an example of desired behavior when you get involved in different household chores. Remember, it’s important to set an example for the standard behavior you want to see from your foster child.
While there may be resistance at first (as there is with all kids), according to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychology, “Children who do chores may exhibit higher self-esteem, be more responsible, and be better equipped to deal with frustration, adversity, and delayed gratification.”
Plus, when done as a family, it can help foster children feel responsible for maintaining the home environment and doing something that benefits others. This teaches a valuable lesson that the important things in life must be taken care of.
Being Present Everyday and Showing Up to Significant Events
A father’s absence has been documented to affect a child’s development seriously. Per the Minnesota Psychological Association, children who don’t have a good fatherly role model can have poor performance in school, suffer from anxiety and social isolation, and engage in criminal activity. As a foster parent, you can combat these by being present daily and attending your child’s school and extracurricular events.
When you show up for children, you provide them with emotional security. For someone who may have been neglected in the past, this security can go a long way in helping them work through their trauma and enjoy the childhood they, so far, may have missed out on.
Teaching Healthy Coping Strategies When Navigating Through Difficulties
Last but not least, one of the biggest benefits foster fathers can have on their foster kids is the ability to teach them healthy coping strategies. Not only can foster dads set the example of desired behavior by fostering healthy communication with their spouse and other children, but they also promote healthy coping strategies simply by showing up.
As previously noted, foster dads who offer a safe space for their foster kids to share their feelings and provide stability enable their children to work through difficulties. Maybe this is the result of setting an example when you face difficulties yourself or setting boundaries, such as telling the kids they can’t punch a wall when they’re angry and instead should journal or take a walk to release steam.
Regardless of the method taken, children develop healthier coping mechanisms once they learn they’re available.
Encouraging Male Role Models in Foster Care
As the information provided above shows, foster dads play an integral role in a child’s life. It’s because of this that foster agencies should encourage more men to become foster fathers. Per the research study mentioned above, many men are keen on opening their homes and hearts to a foster child. That being said, they may not realize it’s an opportunity available to them if they’re single. Or, because they’re single, they may face a stigma that turns them away from learning about the opportunities.
The reality is that foster parents, whether they’re moms or dads, are needed for the more than 28,000 children currently in the Texas foster care system. Public events such as support groups for existing and prospective foster dads to share their stories and struggles can create a community of support, which benefits the children in their care. Furthermore, online campaigns, classes, and public Dad’s Day Out functions can spread awareness to those who may have always held an interest in fostering or would like to learn more.
By providing resources and raising public awareness of the need for foster dads it may encourage more men to step forward, or couples in general.
Experience of Foster Fathers
If you’re considering becoming a foster father for the first time, it’s important to hear about the experiences other foster dads have had.
In an article posted on Focus on the Family, foster parent John Tracy reflected on his time as a foster father in the late 1990s to a boy named Dashawn. Though Dashawn only stayed with John and his family for seven months, he reflected on how amazing it was to see him come out of his shell. “I got to teach him to play Monopoly, checkers, and take him to church,” he writes, “I even had the opportunity to comfort him during a baseball game when, after getting on first base, he got confused about where to run when his teammate got a hit. He’d never played the game before, and his coach (and I) assumed he knew the rules of baseball. Sometimes, the simple things of life are what children need most.”
Nicholas Ozegbe echoes John’s sentiments, reflecting on his time as a foster father in an article published with CK Family Services. “I was raised by a very good foster dad who took care of me when my dad died,” he writes. “I was a teenager then and [he] taught me that little help, direction, and guidance could change [me] from waywardness to success.” As for how, it came down to his foster dad’s communication, support, and willingness to show up. It ultimately inspired Nicholas to become a foster parent himself, thus offering the love and nurturing environment to a child in need that he received at his most vulnerable.
The critical role that foster fathers play, as this blog has pointed out, can’t be overstated – and that’s exactly what Paul and Jessica Magno thought after coming across a research paper titled
Men as Foster Carers: A Neglected Resource.
Though the research paper Paul found cited research from the 1970s to the 1990s, they highlighted the sentiments that still ring true today: that the role an attentive, loving father plays in their child’s life now can benefit them moving forward. For foster dads particularly, the research paper found that they can accomplish many things, including helping children repair trust and trauma from past male behavior, serving as a mentor in their social development, and even helping girls who experienced sexual abuse at the hands of another, recover and move forward.
As for Paul’s personal experience as a foster father, he credits much of the success to a joint effort with his wife. “Many times, I breakthrough in behavioral and emotional issues in our foster children in a way that my wife cannot. Her role in the breakthrough is at a later point, while my role in the breakthrough is more immediate.” Of course, Paul, realizes, this isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer for every case, but by utilizing his and his wife’s separate strengths, they were able to work as a team and create a unified, loving environment for their foster children.
Foster Fathers Summary
The impact that a positive male role model can have on a foster child can’t be overstated. Providing a safe and stable environment, highlighting the importance of open communication with family, and spending time playing games and engaging in extracurriculars can provide foster children with the confidence, love, and safety they need to heal from past traumas and move forward.
If you have it in your heart to become a foster dad, reach out to the team at Therapeutic Family Life. We can offer valuable insight into what you can expect from being a foster father and the benefits of doing so. Do you want to learn more? We encourage you to check out our Frequently Asked Questions section. To speak to a member of our TFL support specialists, contact us.
About This Author
Courtney Dercqu
Courtney Dercqu is a freelance writer and editor living in Central Florida. Having written about everything from healthcare to tourism, she holds a passion for helping others, which is how she landed at Therapeutic Family Life. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in Creative Writing and English. Her work has been published in Elite Daily, Collective World, Thought Catalog, The Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more.
