Fostering Teenagers with Love and Support

Each year in the United States, approximately 20,000 teenagers age out of the foster care system without a permanent home. This is just one of the reasons why it’s so important to open the doors of our homes to foster teenagers. Taking on the role of foster parent to a teenager can be both a challenging and rewarding experience. Many teenagers in foster care have often faced incredible trauma and instability and – like any child – need extra love, patience, and support. 

However, fostering teens provides us with the incredible opportunity to make a monumental difference at a pivotal point in their lives. With commitment, compassion, and an open heart, foster parents can empower teens to heal and thrive as they transition into adulthood. Although fostering teenagers requires effort, you can rest assured that the impact you make will stay with them for life. Your support can put them on the path to success and show them what the true love of a family.

Understanding Teenagers in Foster Care

Teenagers in foster care have unique needs and struggles that are often misunderstood. Having faced adversity and trauma in their upbringing, these youth sometimes exhibit behaviors that put caretakers to the test.

Most of these teens are frequently moved between homes and schools, lacking stability and permanence. This can negatively impact their self-esteem, academic performance, and ability to form relationships. It’s no wonder that many teens feel unloved after spending years in the system.

A history of neglect, abandonment, or abuse can also shape a teen’s actions and emotional responses. Their fight-or-flight instincts may be heightened, leading to defensiveness, anger, or withdrawal. Teens may push loved ones away as a self-protective measure. Moreover, foster youth are more likely to suffer from mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, PTSD, and attachment disorders. This can manifest in different ways, such as mood swings, impulsivity, self-harm, or substance abuse. Their behavior is a symptom of inner turmoil.

This is why they need foster parents that can empathize and understand them, providing them with a safe physical and emotional place where they can process their trauma. Foster parents of teenagers also need to be patient, as change does not happen overnight, but pushing through even when it gets tough will yield amazing results in these teens.

What the Future Looks Like

Statistics show that every year, around 23,000 teenagers age out of the foster care system without being adopted or finding a permanent home. Too often, without the proper support and guidance of a stable family environment, the future for these young adults looks less than promising. 

Research indicates that foster youth who age out of care are less likely to graduate high school and attend college compared to youth in the general population. By age 26, only half have stable jobs, and only 4% have earned a college degree. Tragically, 25% to 50% of foster teens who age out become homeless within four years after leaving the system.

This outlook improves dramatically for teens who are adopted or form meaningful connections with caring foster families, highlighting the importance of fostering teenagers with love and support. Foster parents have the power to fundamentally transform their children’s trajectory, helping them break negative cycles and fulfill their potential, all while developing life skills, coping with trauma, and gaining the self-confidence that propels them to a brighter future.  

Why Foster Teens?

As we’ve discussed, fostering teenagers provides a pivotal opportunity to make a difference in a young person’s life right when they need it most. This in itself is a good enough reason to foster teenagers, but if you need a little more convincing, here are a few more reasons for you to consider opening your home to a teen in foster care:

• Teens deserve attention, too. While most prospective foster parents consider younger children, the reality is that teenagers make up a significant portion of kids in foster care. They deserve just as much love and attention as younger kids.
  
• Teens need life skills and guidance. With limited time left before “aging out” of the system, teens need to develop practical life skills as well as receive career and education guidance to help prepare them for adulthood. As a foster parent, you can provide that mentorship.
  
• They’re mostly self-sufficient. Of course, teens need guidance, but unlike younger children, teens know how to do things by themselves, like watching over their hygiene and eating. They can also be left alone in the house when you need to run some errands, something that gives you a little more liberty. 
  
• Teens can give back. While fostering teens presents challenges, the rewards can be great too. Many teens are remarkably resilient and can even provide mentorship to younger foster kids. Fostering teens allows them to practice leadership and giving back.
  
• They can communicate better. Teenagers have more capacity than a child to communicate their needs and express their feelings. This facilitates interactions between them and their foster parents, and it allows you to deepen the relationship as you engage in significant conversations with them.
  
• Teens need permanency. Teens still hold out hope that they’ll find a “forever family.” Fostering provides the opportunity to potentially adopt a teen if the match is successful. Even without adoption, you can provide a stable family environment.

Tips on Fostering Teenagers

Fostering teenagers requires patience, empathy, and an open mind. Here are some tips to help foster teens feel cared for while respecting their growing independence:

Give Them Responsibility

To instill independence, you need to allow teens to have autonomy where appropriate. Give them household chores, let them manage their schedule, and involve them in family decisions. This builds confidence and maturity; you can provide guidance, but it’s important to let them make choices.

Respect Their Privacy

Knock before entering their room and avoid prying into their personal life. You wouldn’t want anybody invading your privacy; they don’t either. Trust is huge for teens. Let them know you care without smothering them. Make it a habit to respect their space.

Build Their Self-Esteem

Teens need reassurance, as their confidence is still developing. Praise their efforts, talents, and good choices; this will go a long way in helping them believe in themselves. Avoid hurtful criticism; focus on strengths and potential rather than shortcomings. And if they have something they’re passionate about, encourage it and help them feel valued.

Don’t Take Things Personally

Teens can be moody and lash out due to their changing hormones and emotions; they can also be more difficult if they’ve gone through traumatic experiences. Do not react defensively if they are rude or irritable. Remember, you are the adult; your behavior cannot mimic theirs. Stay calm and know it’s not about you. Be ready to talk once things have settled down.

Rules and Flexibility

Teenagers will test boundaries, so it’s important that rules are consistent. Explain the rules of your house clearly and enforce them fairly. Be firm on your rules, but when appropriate allow flexibility. Listen to teens’ input and be open to compromise as this teaches responsibility.

Providing Unconditional Support

Teens thrive when they are supported and loved wholly. Make it clear you accept them for who they are. Reinforce that your home is a safe space for them. Validate their feelings and assure them you are there for them during difficult times. Let them know you care deeply about their well-being and future and be sure to show it. 

Conclusion

Although fostering teenagers can be challenging in many ways, it’s also of the most rewarding experiences you will have. The capacity to make a difference in the life of a teen in need is paramount. By providing a nurturing home environment, you can help guide teens toward a brighter future and help them develop important skills they will carry with them everywhere. 

Here in Therapeutic Family Life, there are teens waiting for a family like yours. If you feel it in your heart to give a teenager a chance, please give us a call us at (800) 394-4939 or send us a message. The decision to open up your home could change the trajectory of their life forever.